February: The month of rodents divining the weather and of pervasive reminders of one’s singleness. AS IF I WASN’T AWARE!!! Oh, February…with your semi-silent “R.” I don’t even know how to pronounce you right…because every time I say you like you’re spelled, people look at me weird. Goodbye, February.
March is looking more promising: leprechauns, drowning one’s shamrock, spring break, birthdays (wait…is that good?). March is full of hope. Spring starts, the snow melts, we’re on the downslope of the semester…with any luck, I’ll even get my life sorted out!
Sometimes life doesn’t go like I think it should. Actually, that seems to happen most of the time. But then I realize that I don’t even really know what I think it should go like. And then I realize that in that case it’s probably better that it doesn’t go like the thought that I am not having…because that would lead me nowhere…like this paragraph.
Once I thought that life was easy. Things fell into my lap. I was good at everything I tried. Things just plain worked out. Then things stopped working out so easily. Sometimes I think that means it’s all derailed…no hope…throw in the towel. Other times, I look back at two or three or five years ago and think “Gee, I sure am better off now than I was back then…I sure am smarter and better prepared for life than I was back then…I sure am glad that things didn’t work out the way that I was hoping they would work out back then because I can see how, despite my current confusion, I’m growing and progressing toward something that I think is pretty good.” And if I can see that trajectory from those two or three or five years ago, it gives me hope that two or three or five years from now, this period of life will seem to have had some sense to it.
Until then, I am open to any input from any of you, especially if you can help me get a satisfying job and especially if you happen to be omniscient.